i'm a bro magnet

so the dude next to me just whipped up a protein shake in the library. wtf.

non-stop party, brah!

when i was leaving for the library this morning [let's be honest, this afternoon] the brosephs were having a party upstairs while the "merry maids" they had hired were cleaning up last night's party downstairs.

dude, there's no time for lysol when you're graduating in 48 hours!!!!! SHOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

overheard next door

as mike took a lady-friend into his apartment: "i just know we have so much in common."











i'm 100% serious.

but seriously...

is there a way i can disconnect my doorbell without electrocuting myself??? help!!!

open question to the brosephs

dear bros,

how is ringing my doorbell 387 times and holding the bell down for minutes at a time so it makes this really weird gurgling noise entertaining? just wonderin'.

love,
bruns

ps, thanks for not effing me over last night. xoxo.

open letter to the brosephs

dear bros,

thank you so much for being moderately respectful and somewhat subdued this finals period. please please please keep it up for at least one more day, because if you don't, I. WILL. CUT. YOU.

love,
bruns

ps, i'm pretty sure this amounts to a "true threat" (unprotected speech, holla!), so watch out.

it wouldn't be a saturday night...

...if it didn't take 10 minutes to get into my apartment.

(you can barely make out the requisite beer bong lying on the ground, but trust me, it's there.)

finals shminals

my final exam grades will probably not benefit from my newly adopted policy of watching an episode of friday night lights every time the bros make it too loud to study and/or sleep.

don't let the countdown scare you

so one of the bros asked me the other day if he could sublet my place this summer. i'll be in SF, so sure, why not? it later dawned on me that this might be the answer to "what happens to 'bruns and the brosephs' in 9 days when the bros graduate?" the answer is probably a weekly summer feature entitled "shit doug broke this week." i imagine it wouldn't be long before i got a few emails of the "dear bruns, we accidentally burned your couch this weekend" variety.

alternatively, i am willing to live in the marina or cow hollow if y'all subsidize my rent. if you really love my blog as much as you say you do, then this is a small price to pay. think of it as tithing.

formal FAIL

despite my prom dress wearing, my sighing, my fake tan applying, my hair straightening, and my repeated gesturing of "the shocker," i have failed to gain a spot at the [redacted] fraternity's formal of spring 2k9. the discovery occurred this afternoon as i had to walk through the corridor of finely dressed brosephs and brosephinas sipping labatt blue light on my porch not once, not twice, but three times (i forgot my phone). they said "hey bruns," but inside i knew that that really meant "you're worth a little less because you don't get to come to our formal."

don't think i'm not sad about it; a year-long dream up in smoke.

it's not my fault the bros are being well-behaved

i got nothin' lately, but here is some bro entertainment to keep you occupied in the meantime. i recommend starting with page two, since page one will only get you some homemade bro beats.

oof

wednesday night birthday parties that last until 5 am

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attn: loyal readers

i need your help!

so, pretend for a moment that hypothetically there's a spring formal coming up for a local fraternity. how would you get yourself invited (again, hypothetically) to said formal if you happened to be the girl next door? i mean, literally the girl next door.

here, a visual to aid in the hypothetical brainstorming:

(bigger!)

hypothetical advice in the comments, please.

secrets from the inside

if you were a bro with a carpeted 10x10 living room, how would you furnish it? the upstairs bros would probably agree that there are 3 decorational mainstays.

1. a big screen tv.


2. a couch that you should probably think twice about sitting on.


and 3. a regulation sized beer pong table, natch.


only a true broseph understands that it doesn't matter that these things technically don't fit or that the carpet technically has a beer stench that no amount of steam cleaning will ever remedy or that late night rounds of beirut will technically keep the girl next door awake until 4 am. these are just the sacrifices one makes to technically live like a bro in a sometimes chilly midwestern climate.

bruns and the brosephs is on facebook!

everybody's on facebook these days, even bros; so become a fan of bruns and the brosephs! there you will find my homage to bromances and much, much more!!!! (not true; the homage is really all i got right now.)