Tuesday, January 26, 2010

today's brocabulary lesson

bro-men-tar-y [broh-muhn-ter-ee], as in bromentary lapse of judgment:
1.  a temporary impairment in judgment experienced by a bro who is likely under the influence; often results in catastrophic and disastrous regrets in the bro-centric areas of ladies, sports, and/or booze

used in a few sentences:  "oh shit, in my bromentary lapse of judgment last night i forgot that it was thursday and went to heidelberg instead of rick's!"  "you think that's bad?  in my bromentary lapse of judgment last night, i bedded snooki instead of j-woww!!!"

bro-men-tar-y, as in bromentary loss of consciousness:
1.  a temporary impairment in consciousness experienced by a bro who is most certainly under the influence; always results in catatrophic and disastrous regrest in the bro-centric areas of ladies, sports, and/or booze

used in a sentence:  f-word!  i had a bromentary loss of consciousness last night and found myself covered in vomit in the bathroom at rick's.  at least the vomit was mine!!!  maybe.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

dissed and dismissed

so i forgot to mention that about a month ago i had a little encounter with the bros across the street.  it was well into the wee hours of the night as i took out some recycling post-holiday party so that my apartment wouldn't smell like rick's the next morning (ahem, stale beer -- not whatever your dirty mind was thinking).  there was a bunch of banging and crashing of glass (what?  not my fault my friends are lushes) so the bros (well into their 7th hour of partying) asked me if i needed a hand.  i said i was good, just party clean-up, and then they harassed me for not inviting them over.  a fair point, until i quickly noted that they had never invited me over for one of their late night shindigs that quite possibly kept me up all night and maybe forced me to call the fine folks at the local police department.  they conceded, and promised (crossed their hearts and hoped to die) to invite me over for the next soiree.  fast forward to tonight where the boisterous noise coming from the other side of the street most clearly indicates that the second coming of christ has happened OR SOMETHING and i'm still waiting for my invite.  what's that i hear?  a journey sing-a-long?  GOD, THIS IS SO NOT FAIR.  i miss the old bros.