Sunday, December 21, 2008

another bro pro

2. heat!!!!!!

who knew the thermostat would plummet below 60 the day the brosephs skipped town? bros! my radiators need your 2000 lbs of man heat!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

bruns' wish list 2k8

i will take any/all of the following:

merry christmas!!!!!!

season's greetings from my house to yours

in case you can't read that, it says "NUT ST."

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

'twas the night before my first exam . . .

kyle* and some random bro named steve* just came home drunk as skunks. they were standing outside my door for a while, yelling blatantly offensive and homophobic crap at each other, i don't know, the usual. i finally went out there and had to help them into their apartment. steve thought i was cute and asked me if i had a boyfriend. kyle said, "yeah, and he's a lot cooler than you." steve asked kyle to "put in a good word anyway" as i stood right there unlocking their door.

when i got the door open, all this smoke came out and i got a big whiff of burning . . . pizza? bad news. i asked them politely not to burn the house down tonight because i have a final tomorrow. they said, "no prob and good luck." then, as i went back into my apartment, i made sure to bring my christmas wreath inside so that they don't take it out back and piss on it.

if they do burn the house down, does this count as a dying declaration? probs not.

*should i have given them pseudonyms? whatever, there are probably 1 million bros named kyle or steve.

bro pros

1. they put up christmas lights, which was a festive and thoughtful gesture.

sorry, that's all i got.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

today's brocabulary lesson

broll-er-coast-er [broh-ler-koh-ster]:
1. a situation in which one is affected by the ups and downs of bro life; see, e.g., previous post.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

a trip down memory lane

the last four months have been a time full of heart-warming events between me and the brohans that i am sure i will never, ever forget. never. ever ever ever. but just in case (and for the sake of posterity), here are some of my favorite broments:
  1. that time one of the bros vomited all over my stairs after chugging a bag of franzia¹ during early interview week.
  2. that time they got us ticketed for leaving behind the remains of 18 different pieces of furniture destroyed beyond recognition on our front lawn.
  3. that time they blasted m.i.a.'s paper planes (my favorite!) at 8 in the morning on a saturday². bang bang bang bang!
  4. that time they played toby keith at 4 in the morning and i had to stand on my bed whacking the ceiling with a broomstick like a crotchety old lady.
  5. that time they all decided to stop by³ right after i had showered and wasn't wearing any clothes! that was hilaaaaaaaaarious.
and these are just the ones off the top of my head!!! more to come. . . .

i'm guessing. looked like it.
² every single g.d. saturday, all fall long.
³ drunkenly barge into my apartment.

Friday, December 12, 2008

today's brocabulary lesson

bro-cab-u-lar-y [broh-kab-yuh-ler-ee]:
1. bromenclature with an emphasis on bronunciation.
2. the newest feature.

the use of the word broviding in the last post got me to thinking that we could all use a little help with our brocabulary. today's word is particularly relevant for me this finals period:

bro-cras-ti-nate [broh-kras-tuh-neyt]:
1. procrastinate with your bros.
2. procrastinate with your blog about bros.
3. procrastinate with someone else's blog about bros.

happy brocrastinating, everyone!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

why the brosephs aren't all bad

in addition to providing (broviding?) me with the aforementioned free internet (+1), the brosephs also deeply care about the political process (+50!). on election night, they graciously invited me over to take a shot for every state called for obama. yay democracy and brobama!

from the archives

7:41 PM bruns: the brosephs are yelling at each other
one said he was going to the library
and so the other broseph would be home alone
then he yelled RUN AROUND NAKED
and slammed the door
7:42 PM bruns' buddy: hahahaha
7:43 PM bruns: you too wish you could live with ridiculous people
buddy: oh i sort of do
but they aren't brosephs
7:44 PM bruns: ha! at least they don't vomit on your front porch
buddy: that is very true.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

my life . . . in ms paint

on the bright side, at least we know i have a skill set to fall back on when i fail out of law school in the coming weeks.

status message: brosephs are fighting!!!!!!! about the dishwasher!!!!!!!!!

7:33 PM bruns' concerned friend: It's FRATRICIDE!!!1
7:34 PM bruns: HAHAHAHAAA
except it's my life
7:35 PM concerned friend: the bros you live with?
7:37 PM bruns: yep
they're so pissed!!!!!!!
their lives are so hard!!!!!!!!!!!
it must be tough to be blacked out wednesday-saturday
concerned friend: like yelling-pissed or like snarky remarks-pissed...
7:38 PM bruns: yelling-pissed
concerned friend: it IS hard to be blacked-out wed-sat!
wait... a dishwasher? how could a dishwasher make one so pissed?
7:39 PM bruns: something to do with loading, unloading, eating out of something with mold on it, i don't know
7:41 PM concerned friend: "Fuck you, BRO! This isn't your pasta fork! It's EVERYBODY'S!!!"

adventures in wireless internet

in my neighborhood, there are many excellent wireless networks to choose from. we have the old standbys "KappaSigLovesCock" and "FuckKappaSig," the beloved "MikeBlackHasHPV," and everyone's favorite, "RIP Boston Market."

but not a one compares to the brosephs' timeless classic: "Frat." no need to get fancy when something simple will do, right? plus, they let me use it for free. THANKS BROSEPHS!