'twas the night before my first exam . . .

kyle* and some random bro named steve* just came home drunk as skunks. they were standing outside my door for a while, yelling blatantly offensive and homophobic crap at each other, i don't know, the usual. i finally went out there and had to help them into their apartment. steve thought i was cute and asked me if i had a boyfriend. kyle said, "yeah, and he's a lot cooler than you." steve asked kyle to "put in a good word anyway" as i stood right there unlocking their door.

when i got the door open, all this smoke came out and i got a big whiff of burning . . . pizza? bad news. i asked them politely not to burn the house down tonight because i have a final tomorrow. they said, "no prob and good luck." then, as i went back into my apartment, i made sure to bring my christmas wreath inside so that they don't take it out back and piss on it.

if they do burn the house down, does this count as a dying declaration? probs not.

*should i have given them pseudonyms? whatever, there are probably 1 million bros named kyle or steve.