current scene at sea-tac

a roided bro just got to the airport gate, fist-pumped, then yelled "MIAAAAAMI!!!!!"

lara and marcus' wedding, here we come!

this one goes out to catherine

if you were currently seated next to me in section 31, row 67, you too could smell the urine of the umass brohan who just pissed himself. wish you were here!

buh-bye, bros icing bros!

if you haven't heard, smirnoff took down the beloved bros icing bros website, taking with it my theory that this was all one big elaborate viral marketing campaign. sure, liquor companies usually shy away from promoting binge drinking for liability purposes, but that sure didn't stop miller lite from inventing its new vortex bottle. the benefit? harder, better, faster, stronger chugging.  true story.

to be honest, i kind of thought the bros could have done better. chugging smirnoff ice? sounds like my freshman year of college (which many would argue is exactly the point). but let's up the ante a little bit, eh?  i propose that instead of bros icing bros, we have bros booning bros.  y'know, chugging an entire bottle of boone's effing farm.  i mean, just look at the stuff!

i think you are guaranteed to vomit if you chug one of those, which (based on my limited expertise) i think the bros would like.  let's look over some of the positive points:

• the name is pretty awesome.  bros booning bros?  it's like a tongue twister, and if you mess up and say "bros boning bros," then hilarity is sure to ensure!  because then another bro will surely let you know that "you're a fag, dude."
• just look at the numbers.  for a little bit more than the price of an ice, you get 25 fluid ounces of fizzy, sugary, malty "goodness" with up to 7% alcohol content.  yowzers.
• the domain is still unregistered, just waiting to be taken down by gallo in a month!
• so with smirnoff, you had the defense ice.  this pretty much made the game, am i right?  but now you have the boone's block.  it just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?  yeah, it's a bit more cumbersome to carry around, but making your buddy drop a knee and drink 50 fluid ounces of fuzzy navel?  sign me up for the peanut gallery!
• and finally, the best part?  you get to disassociate yourself from those twits, mark zuckerberg and julia allison.

deja vu

i just looked outside and saw red vomit splattered all over the front steps of my house.  gross, obviously, but also a tad bit spooky.  back when i moved into my old apartment in august 2008, i was introduced to evidence of the brosephs long before i even met the brosephs themselves.  yep, one fateful summer night long ago, i came home to splattered red vomit all over the front steps.  it was the beginning of what would become the most ludicrous and exhausting years of my life -- the year of bunking with the bros and the year of the funniest blog you have ever read (i.e., this one).  but you might have noticed that things have been quiet lately, with postings few and far between.  when a bro does enter my life, it is only for a fleeting second and that short moment must be captured and shared and remembered with all of you.  but you have probably noticed that those short moments are never as good as the real thing and they merely make us long for the good ole days.  back when we knew that it was doug who had guzzled an entire box of franzia all by himself pre-gaming for rick's and that it was he who had subsequently lost it all as he booted red vom all over the porch stairs.  back then, the red vom had meaning; now, it is just a reminder of the way things were . . .

you are missed, brosephs.

welcome lawopen visitors!

some might say that bro issues are a specialty interest, something that affects only a tiny few of today's youth.  but that's just not true.  bros affect all of us, and its effect on our children is as important an issue as any other -- right up there with the war on drugs, school safety, and sexting.

this message has been brought to you by:

the joys of springtime

overheard this afternoon on my walk home in the sunny, 59 degree weather:

frat bro #1 to frat bro #2:  "hey, do you want to lay out today?!"

bruns and the baldridges

tyler doing p90x is the only time this house feels like the pre-rick's thursday nights of yesteryear.

today's brocabulary lesson

bro-men-tar-y [broh-muhn-ter-ee], as in bromentary lapse of judgment:
1.  a temporary impairment in judgment experienced by a bro who is likely under the influence; often results in catastrophic and disastrous regrets in the bro-centric areas of ladies, sports, and/or booze

used in a few sentences:  "oh shit, in my bromentary lapse of judgment last night i forgot that it was thursday and went to heidelberg instead of rick's!"  "you think that's bad?  in my bromentary lapse of judgment last night, i bedded snooki instead of j-woww!!!"

bro-men-tar-y, as in bromentary loss of consciousness:
1.  a temporary impairment in consciousness experienced by a bro who is most certainly under the influence; always results in catatrophic and disastrous regrest in the bro-centric areas of ladies, sports, and/or booze

used in a sentence:  f-word!  i had a bromentary loss of consciousness last night and found myself covered in vomit in the bathroom at rick's.  at least the vomit was mine!!!  maybe.

dissed and dismissed

so i forgot to mention that about a month ago i had a little encounter with the bros across the street.  it was well into the wee hours of the night as i took out some recycling post-holiday party so that my apartment wouldn't smell like rick's the next morning (ahem, stale beer -- not whatever your dirty mind was thinking).  there was a bunch of banging and crashing of glass (what?  not my fault my friends are lushes) so the bros (well into their 7th hour of partying) asked me if i needed a hand.  i said i was good, just party clean-up, and then they harassed me for not inviting them over.  a fair point, until i quickly noted that they had never invited me over for one of their late night shindigs that quite possibly kept me up all night and maybe forced me to call the fine folks at the local police department.  they conceded, and promised (crossed their hearts and hoped to die) to invite me over for the next soiree.  fast forward to tonight where the boisterous noise coming from the other side of the street most clearly indicates that the second coming of christ has happened OR SOMETHING and i'm still waiting for my invite.  what's that i hear?  a journey sing-a-long?  GOD, THIS IS SO NOT FAIR.  i miss the old bros.

po-po

fortunately, calling the cops on the new-bros is just as satisfying as was calling the cops on the old-bros.